The Great Indian (Before) Marriage Tamasha – Part 4

By  Shwetha Kalyanasundaram

The last blog post (in this series) ended with the following question “So what happens if the horoscope matches?!?” Read on…

If the horoscopes match at both ends, one moves onto a phase where you try to get to know each other!! This is done to see if they are compatible with each other. Well, in most cases, the two people involved are always going to be at their best behaviour, giving stereotypical answers, in an attempt to impress the other person.

Questions are asked on a variety of topics and hypothetical situations are drawn and one is gauged on the answers given and the level of compatibility is measured based on these answers!! Practically speaking, people tend to behave in a completely different manner, when faced with the actual situation. And one’s thought process is going to change as you mature and one is going to act according to the situation at that point of time. Given this, how will you know you are choosing the right person as your life partner?!?

Pondering over this question, I finally drew my own conclusion and here it is: (mind you, the next few portions can be serious!)

There’s always the pending fear and anxiety of things going wrong. The person you are trying to match needn’t necessarily portray their true nature. The whole act might be pre-mediated in an effort to create impression. Even assuming that the true nature is always portrayed, human character is still amenable to change with growing years.
It’s hard to judge a person based on a finite set of questions however hypothetical it may be.

I would like to draw a similarity with that of a job interview. If 3 people were being interviewed for one position and all of them seemed technically strong with good credentials, then it’s a tough call right? In that situation I would go for the one with that extra zeal, motivation and rapport. (Psst…Behavioural reasoning would help me weed through this.)

You make a choice based on your essential needs and requirements which absolutely cannot be compromised – your core values. How do you gauge that this person isn’t pretending to possess those? You observe how they behave in their surroundings and with their surroundings. You follow their journey to the current destination which should usually serve as a predictor to where things will proceed. But remember that there will always be forces beyond your control that can cause disruptions and distress.

That would explain why horoscopes are so heavily relied on. By placing your faith and fate on an astrologer you are essentially alleviating the anxiety levels and creating self-assurance on a secure future. Hell, I have seen things go wrong even with horoscope match.  Remember, humans are innately good. It’s how each person reacts to different circumstances that define their character.

Hence proof that I m a thorough Human Resources professional! *chuckle*

After years of the groom hunt, I finally found my man. And yes, I did have my share of “flashing bulbs” and “ringing bells” moments that I believe are supposed to happen when you come across your soul mate. And a definite proof that it takes just over two and half minutes to decide your soul mate!! (A recent research quotes this!)

I now truly believe in destiny!

And as every fairy tale ends, we live happily ever after!!!

Related articles

• The Great Indian (Before) Marriage Tamasha – Part 2 (missionsharingknowledge.wordpress.com)

The Great Indian (Before) Marriage Tamasha – Part 2

By Shwetha Kalyanasundaram

So how did my search for Mr Right go?

With everyone relying upon technology (to throw you solutions), my parents, just like millions of other Indian parents, put my profile on every matrimonial site available. My parents and I sat down (with a notepad and a pen) to list out our expectations and to draw up a profile for me that could be posted on these sites. After sessions of brain storming and cluttering our house with crushed balls of paper, we finally zeroed in on what had to be put up on the web!!

Oh, these also involved consultations with astrologers to prepare a list of birth stars that would match with mine. Phew, it was one hell of a task before my profile finally came up in the various marriage portals.

I should also mention the confusion we had over the kind of photographs that had to be uploaded on my profile. Should we choose a photo with a desi look or could the photo show the modern moi?!? For those who still don’t understand the reason behind this confusion, here’s a brief explanation. Guys (waiting to get married) want girls to have a modern outlook towards life (this is one statement that’s so common and visible in all the guys profiles) and would not want to see a photo of a girl in a sari; they call such girls “pazhams” (Tamil slang). And parents do not wish to see the girl in sleeveless dresses or in jeans and they term such girls “liberated”. To put an end to all this bokwaas (made popular with the release of Chennai Express), we put up 6 photos in all, in different costumes, catering to all “their” needs. Now that’s a lot of choice we have given the parents! And with the advent of social networks, the changes to your Facebook profile photos to suit the needs of the groom and his parents – one helluva job!

This blog would make no sense if I do not talk about the tamashaa involving horoscope matching!! If astrology is all about maths and physics, why do astrologers differ?!?

And then the calls started flowing, multitudes of them. Details, telephone numbers, email ids and horoscopes were exchanged. The homepage on our PC and laptops changed to the matrimonial portal. From our end, numerous profiles were scanned, a handful shortlisted from them and horoscopes downloaded. My mother then ran to our family astrologer for matching purposes, and always used to return crestfallen, with just two to three horoscopes matching. This had become a routine, and our astrologer’s number had been assigned as “the priority” on the speed dial list on our mobile phones!

It is a known fact that no two astrologers have the same opinion. And that results in total chaos!! If the horoscopes match at the girl’s end, it doesn’t on the guy’s end and vice versa. When only a handful of horoscopes match from a billion others, my mother reached a state where she stopped believing in astrology. She didn’t want to involve a third person (the astrologer, that is) to decide the future of her child (that’s me!!), rather she decided to believe in destiny!

So is there more fun to this?!? Wait and watch!!!