Tag Archives: Types of rape

Parental Guide To ‘Freedom’ And ‘Risk’

parental guidance

Post the gang-rape in Mumbai, a friend observed ‘thank God, I don’t have daughters’. But Jaideep Ghosh has, and he wouldn’t have it any way.

The plus of having a teenaged child is that you get tech savvy in double-quick time. But as a parent of a teenager, you also need to be able to gauge between what is too much interference, or not.

So when I got savvy to Whatsapp, I keep tabs on my daughter. But most of the time it’s to check when was the last time she was online. If the time span is anything more than two hours, I send her a message.

I am a father of daughter who commutes in to the North Campus of Delhi University from the NCR, alone. She travels the entire breadth of the city, through some of the not-so-great neighbourhoods, and beyond. I worry. But I will be damned if I tell her not to.

But while there is no question that people’s freedoms and rights are sacrosanct, some of the reactions to the Mumbai gang-rape, or any other offence, leave me a little frustrated and a little angry.

Our politicians have never been paragons of sensitivity, so their reactions are not to be jumped on with any great gusto.

At the same time, the reactions of the so-called ‘liberals’ scares me. You cannot condone, if not downright encourage, putting women in situations where they would be at risk.

I tell my daughter to be careful, not because I am trying to impinge on her liberties. I would equally tell a son to wear a helmet if he was on a bike. And I would tell them both to be back home by a reasonable time (though the interpretation of ‘reasonable’ has always been different for parents and children).

Irrespective of which country you are in, the initiative is always with the criminal. There is no system by which the police can pre-empt a crime, without prior knowledge. That is also what makes terrorist strikes so successful.

This distinction is pretty clear for me – I won’t let anyone compromise my child’s pursuit of success and happiness. At the same time, I would not accept any hysterical banshee proclamations that ‘freedom’ translates into taking unnecessary risks.

That applies particularly given the fact that we live in a society which largely, at best, just tolerates women. Men cannot handle being bettered by women, or even equalled. Take a look at how men drivers react to being passed by women. That is a classic example. So, given half a chance, they will try to force this ‘superiority’. Don’t give them that chance.

I worry. I am always keeping track of where my daughter is. She has been brought up in the rather unforgiving environs of Delhi, but that bravado and attitude can be a double-edged weapon.

But that doesn’t mean she will sit at home. She will do whatever she wants to do, but as a sensible 20-year-old, she knows where she has to draw a line. This ‘drawing a line’ seems to be an issue with many women. To them I say, get real.

That said, I wouldn’t trade having a daughter with anything else. I would wish her a happy life, as to all women. But be a little careful out there.

Why is Delhi the Rape Capital of the Country?

Mili Sharma ponders over what makes Delhi the capital of this heinous crime.

rape delhi

We’ve been hearing/reading/watching a lot about the rape incidents off late. I’ve been trying to figure out two things – 1) why does Delhi/NCR ranks no.1 in rape incidents as compared to southern India 2) who are these rapists.  After following the news through different media and talking to the people around me, I got an answer to this. Most of these rapists belong to either small town or other rural areas. I hardly see any Delhi-ites involved in this crime.

These places have lesser job opportunities as compared to Delhi/NCR. The education system is not very good as the standard of living is low due to less income opportunities. That’s why people from these places have been migrating to bigger cities in search of jobs. The people from smaller cities are usually very conservative when it comes to women. They prefer their women stay indoors, keep themselves covered in meters of cloth and stay away from other men around. They keep their women in the same way as a goldsmith keeps his gold (in lockers) so that no one sees it and tries to steal it. This is supposed to be a part of their ‘culture’.

When people from such places come to cities like Delhi, they see women outside their homes (which to them is beyond the acceptable boundary), working independently, wearing a variety of clothes, decking up and interacting with both the sexes. Their cultural shock in realizing that they are misfits is hidden under the garb of modernity, which in turn, is depicted by ‘getting’ a girl. Such men try to approach women even if they do not show any interest in such men. When they do not get any response, they try to force themselves on the women by sending unwanted messages, hooting at them, passing lewd remarks etc. When these acts remain ignored for long, these men feel encouraged and the resultant action is a kind of aggression which is unthinkable and unjustified.

In my opinion, such people should not be allowed into Delhi (that is, if the police is incapable of taking any other action). There is no harm in throwing these people out of Delhi. It is very similar to a teacher asking a student to leave the class if he’s creating nuisance or a father asking his rowdy son to leave the family as he is no more in the control of his family or even within self-control. Look at the changed the picture of Mumbai. This has made Mumbai a safer place for women. I have female friends living there who are not scared of going out alone during late hours. Needless to say, in Delhi I can’t image of going alone somewhere after sunset. Even a 5 year old is not safe here anymore. We all have witnessed this recently and that too, so soon after Damini’s case.

At times I wonder will there ever be a time when a girl would live her life without fearing for her safety and feel proud of being a woman instead of being scared.