Tag Archives: Parent

The Great Indian (Before) Marriage Tamasha – Part 3

By Shwetha Kalyanasundaram

arranged-marriage-597x400

Not to forget that this blog is attributed to the tamashaa that ensues in every house (almost every house), there are quite a few funny snippets that must be highlighted in the process.

In a lot of profiles that I have scanned, in the “about me” section, there would be details of the parents, brothers, sisters and the whole gamut of people in the family; but no information about the guy whatsoever. Poor guys! In some profiles, even their pet makes their presence felt but not the guy in question!! Heck, why is there a separate space for family details then?!?

Nearly 40% of the profiles that are available on these matrimonial sites have very funny descriptions – descriptions that use only adjectives (and I mean only adjectives) to describe how “good” the guy is. The most common adjectives that one would find are “nice, loving, caring, jovial…” and the likes. I thought all of us fit into those adjectives!! It’s so obvious that I don’t understand the reason why it is being stated! Ooh, the best part is their expectation for a “homely” girl. Here’s the dictionary meaning of the highlighted word:

HOME.LY / ˈhōmlē/

Adjective

(of a person) Unattractive in appearance

Synonyms – plain/simple/unsightly

Now we know what every guy wants!!! Bu ha ha ha *evil*

Most of the guys, on their profiles state that they don’t smoke or drink. But when you do start talking to them, they accept that they are social drinkers/smokers. Why hide it?!? Accept the facts as they are – it’s after all one’s personal choice and in today’s world, its acceptable and most of the girls don’t mind it at all. As the Tamil proverb goes “aayiram poi solli oru kalyaanam pannalaam” (read: One can say a 1000 lies to get married), I guess this just adds onto their bag of lies!! I appreciate guys who are really honest when it comes to this.

Can you believe it if I say that being the only child to my parents had become a disadvantage for me in the marriage market??!! We have received calls from parents who didn’t want to go ahead with the proposal just because I’m the only child.

And one parent even had the audacity to ask my mother if anything could be done…what does she expect?!? Does she expect my parents to adopt one or go through the entire process of delivering a child again?!? Oh boy, didn’t I enjoy the dressing down that the lady got from my mom for being so downright stupid!!

So what happens if the horoscope matches?!? Watch this space for more!

Advertisements

The Great Indian (Before) Marriage Tamasha – Part 1

By Shwetha Kalyanasundaram

arranged-marriage-597x400

As customary it is in India, for girls to get married as soon as you enter the 20’s, I was no exception. A few days after I turned 21, my parents sat me down for an “adult ” talk. (The last time that happened was before I entered my engineering college where I got a discourse on the do’s and don’ts at college). My parents bogged me down with questions pertaining to my social life, more directed towards my “preferences” to the opposite sex. When my parents were convinced that I wasn’t seeing anybody, out popped their question – “Are you ready to get married?”

Boy that did set me to think. I set my grey cells in action and tried to introspect if I indeed was ready for marriage. After days of pondering, I decided that the answer was a “yes”!! When I told my pals’ bout my decision, I received a variety of emotions – some rolled their eyes, some laughed it off, some cried (honestly!!) but most of them were shocked. My girl pals bombarded me with a lot of (silly) questions like:

What happens to your career?

Why do you want to settle down so early on in your life?

What happens to your identity?

and many more!! Does this drive me to another state of confusion?!? No!! I was sure that my decision was spot on. Here’s why.

I’m blessed to have wonderful parents, who belong to a small group of people who have evolved with the times and they have always been very liberal with me. They have been very supportive in whatever I have done till date and have always ensured that I carve a niche for myself in whatever I do. Till date, I have been able to do just that and I know for a fact that people recognise me for who I am and what I stand for. They have made sure that my head is held high all the time and that has indeed made me a better person. And I am sure that my partner would respect my ideals and give me the same encouragement that my parents have showered and I am absolutely sure that he would support me in my every step towards success. So, getting married is definitely not going to stop me from achieving my goals.

The entire concept of an arranged marriage, these days can be compared to an online dating process with parental control! My parents, who are very liberal, did give me an option of finding my partner while I pursued my masters, within their reasonable expectations and by far, the only expectation they set forth was that the guy had to be a Tam – Brahm!! But with my studies occupying most of the time, I just found it to be a humungous task and removed it off my list of things – to – do.

I find the whole concept of arranged marriage very appealing. I like the fact that there is commitment before there is love – there is a strange allure to that. In arranged marriages, two people make a commitment to each other and then embark upon the voyage of really getting to know each other – trust before anything else. This is what drove me to ask my parents to hunt down a groom for me.

That’s when the whole fun started! Stay tuned for the fun ride J

Silent Support – My Father!!

i love you daddy

By Dwaipayan Chakraborty,

Happy Father’s Day.

Never wondered about going up to my father to wish him a “Father’s Day” as it would seem a very formal gesture. But this is also true I never told him how big a support he has been throughout. Through this piece I would like to take the opportunity to tell him and everyone how significant he is in my life.

As like most families, my father was the sole breadwinner, until he retired from his services. But if I look back at the days of my childhood, the earliest memories between us would mean that I was dead scared of him. Rarely did I speak loudly when he was around, never did I ask for any extra favour. The reason of such a scare was his strict behaviour & rigid attitude. Any mischief never went unpardoned. The discipline ranged from a slap to a heavy beating in order to drill the right thing in my head. Gradually this fear created a distance between me and my father. In his presence, I could never be myself, kept silent most of the time. My mother was a friend, and my father often, a stranger.

There were a lot of things I wanted to tell him, share with him, take his opinion, but that uncalled for distance never let me do it. From school to college and on to a professional field, the distance persisted. At a later stage he probably understood my uneasiness and often openly asked, but every time I ignored it saying everything was just fine. He was a good student, and I being a moderately ordinary his share of disappointments with me was evident. Yet somehow I have nudged my way through all of these and become the sole breadwinner for my family. It does give me a sense of pride to take over the mantle from him.

It is this retirement period of his where I understood what actually he meant to me. However unbelievable it might seem but it’s true that standing toady I can speak my mind to him without any fear. The person twenty years ago and the person now are a lot different. He has become a lot more patient, surprisingly an ardent listener too. Sometimes I wonder what if this had happened earlier, my attitude, his life; our family’s future could have been a lot different. Even after all such minor complains, I have no regrets at all.

As I now work in a professional field, I understand how the office hours take a toll on the mind and body. Now I understand why he used to get irritated when mother used to ask me to take me to the field after returning home. Now I understand how difficult it is getting frequent leaves for family commitments. The fact that he was a strict disciplinarian has shaped me into a cultured individual. At that time restrictions seemed cruel, but now it seems those are required in order to lead a healthy and sound life. He knew my mother was soft on me, often pardoning my mistakes, so he was very strict, balancing it prudently. Agreed he sometimes went overboard, but all that now seems acceptable. I remember he toiled hard, rarely taking holidays and trying to accumulate as much as he could, all for our comfort. From school books to cricket bats, though he never bought me myself, but asked my mother to give me everything I required. I regretted that as a family we hardly had vacations, but today we have a moderately spacious house in a metropolitan city, which does require savings over a long period of time.

A transition from a boy to man, has made me realise what a father means to a family & to his children. Now while I am finishing this piece, I wonder how comfortable my life has been, mostly because of a silent support existing from behind the curtains in the drama of life.

By virtue of my father, I feel content today. His relationship with me might not be too loud with expressions, but an undercurrent act of endless support.

However formal it might sound but each child should once go up to his father, hug him and acknowledge his presence after pausing to think, what life would have been if this grumpy old man was not around.

Thank you Baba.

He Got The Girl And I Ended With Monetary Wounds

baraat

By Anshuman Sharvesh

Occasion, lavishness and orchestra were all there. Gorgeous ladies and some well-groomed men were also in attendance. Mouth-watering food accompanied profligate beverages. In such a moment, If someone seizes your attention with his uninteresting face, you can guess he must have paid the bill and has to be the bride’s father.

This fairy-tale is of my best friend’s wedding and the only two people who were feeling miserable there were I and my friend’s father-in-law. It’s no rocket science to figure out the reason for his feelings. I would have felt the same had I needed to put so much money on a marriage. The heart would sink seeing so much money melt away. There was another minor reason, my friend taking away his daughter. You though must be wondering why was I feeling miserable but believe me, I, had every reason to be.

Everything started with a phone call,”#*^beep beep, it’s my marriage on 20th and you need to be there”. I said yes with all energy, which fizzled the moment I kept the phone down. The date of the marriage was just 15-days away. I checked IRCTC but it disappointed me again for the billionth time. I first cursed the population and then called a broker who I knew would suck up my savings but get me a ticket using all corrupt methods he could. The monies he asked were enough to depress but I realized that would not help, as I had to shop for a marriage. Let me tell you the fact that I hate savings as well for the simple reason that it makes me feel how well I could have utilized the same money I would pump into buying some new clothes. I still managed to buy something that made me look better than how I actually felt inside.

The day arrived and I was all decked up having painted the fairness creams they boast of making you fair in minutes. As customary nowadays, people called me for dance. I realized how no one actually cared of what I was wearing making me feel ashamed of so much money spent to no avail. The result of all that dance was that I arrived at the marriage hall sweating, hair haywire, wet shirt and the groom who had spent all this time in the air conditioned car was like he has just landed from the salon. Not a single girl looked at me and I was actually seeing the money burning in front of my eyes. I sat around the corner and watched the entire ceremony without a single nap. I saw my friend getting garlanded by all jewels especially the two expensive rings, one watch and one gold chain.

In the morning we left with the bride, everyone was tired and exhausted excluding the one with the beautiful bride and expensive gifts. All exhausted I too left for my home and slept till evening as I had a train to catch at night. Leaving home is always a problem but after bidding goodbye as I was leaving for the station the only wish up my sleeve was to see my name in the confirmed list of passengers. It was WL 2 when I had booked it and unless someone is terribly unlucky this converts.

I though was having a pissful time and the final status turned out to be WL 1. In dire straights I booked a flight to return as the deadlines in office had to be met. As I landed in Delhi, these were the exact lines that I spoke “He got the girl, the watches and expensive rings and I lost my money…#beep not even a single person praised my suit…#beep not a single girl looked at me and here I am at IGI airport again bargaining with the autowala”, but between all this someone inside said and I quote again “DUDE AT LEAST YOU R STILL SINGLE…ENJOY BEING ALIVE”.

For There Is No Friend Like A Sister…

sisters_love_by_blopa1987-d4iu3v4

Gurulakshmi Iyer-Hait talks of her childhood and says why she feels this saying by Ami Li is absolutely true: Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of.  You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there. This one’s for her sister she says :). 

“For there is no friend like a sister

In calm or stormy weather;

To cheer one on the tedious way,

To fetch one if one goes astray,

To lift one if one totters down,

To strengthen whilst one stands.”

-Christina Rossetti

The sight of siblings playing really caught my attention. To be precise, the sight of two sisters playing.

Like us. Elder protective and younger following the elder.

As always such sights make me go through my memory lane. This time, that of my younger sister I have often heard from my mom that I hated her when she was born(though I do not recollect any of that sort). But over the years I grew up with her, I have surely realized one thing, not everyone are lucky enough to have sisters. And all those who have, aren’t really close like us.

Our childhood experiences really bring smiles on my face. Opposites that we were,it was really difficult for others to identify both of us as siblings. I the prankster and she the obedient. We were a team throughout our childhood and I certainly did everything that bugged and irritated her.

She would iron the clothes for her,I would wear her ironed clothes. I would mess up the house and she would clean, offcourse making faces. As a kid,I never thought of spending time with her. Quite obvious that we shared almost everything and stayed under one roof. But as we grew up and started following our aspirations, our relationship grew too. It was then we felt that the warmth of togetherness is priceless!

She has always worshipped me. My words and actions have always been final verdict to her, right from early age. And should I not mention the same holds true even today despite staying thousands of miles away from each other.

I have many times imagined being a single child to my parents. It would have been nice to bask in my parents’ undivided attention but the imagination has always ended palely .While there is sharing, there are pillow fights, laughters, gossips and chatters too.

There never was any friend like a sister. While siblinghood is by chance, the love and warmth that this relationship brings in is definitely by choice. And I am blessed to have one such creature in my life!

sister

No Pay…No Holiday…I Am a Housewife!!!

A full-time housewife and mom, Gurulakshmi Iyer-Hait believes that its easier to face corporate competition than take on the onus of becoming a homemaker. 

vintage-homemaker

I work. I work  24/7 without any pay. I can’t afford to take offs too. Yes, you guessed it right. I am a housewife. Bored, did I hear that? Where is the time to get bored? With a growing toddler and a husband (no less than a toddler), my hands are always full.

Till I had a kid, I’ve worked and have always believed that housewives have ample amount of time. They can pursue so many hobbies, do so many things. In fact as kids, we always took our mom, who has been a home maker throughout, for granted. We always thought she has so much time to do our work too. However, today, I realize how unreasonable we were….Life at home is definitely not limited to watching family sagas or reality shows in TV.

KRAs here aren’t defined by my manager though. And I must say they aren’t also limited to my potential and capability.

full-time-housewifeMy morning starts at 6. If there is a slight delay because of some fairy tale dreams, hubby dear has to manage with corn flakes or muesli for his breakfast. My entire timetable depends on my kid’s and my husband’s schedule, on the basis of whether is a working day or an off for them. If one of them get delayed, the whole day’s routine goes for a toss. Oh, above all things, I have realized that delegating and getting office work done from your subordinates is much easier than getting your household work done from the maids. However, over the time, you really get used to their whims and fancies!

And then you have your extended family to satiate. You are a house wife and you are expected to welcome more number of guests, more frequently. You are always available for hospitality! It is something that full time home makers might be habituated though. And then your maid decides to bunk on such days with your house full of guests. And I tell you, no production issues or office tension can compete with this particular stress.

Of course, I do get my time for rejuvenation. Once my kid is off to school, the next couple of hours are mine when I sit back with a cup of tea and read up on the current affairs or just decide to chat on with a friend. But then there are sometimes so many other impromptu chores to be done too during that time. While all the household chores get done, the bigger responsibility lies in molding the growing up kid. That’s an achievement that can’t be appraised or rewarded by any boss!!

While I run around behind my toddler, I must also admit I don’t have any guilt pangs of not being to work in the corporate. I now have a bigger target to work on and that too without a boss. After all, I am a house wife by choice!!

A Tribute to the Symbol of Sacrifice, Hope and Comfort

mother-of-god-icon-l

Our Mother’s Week celebrations continue as Ganesh Subramanian talks how God by his creation of mommies made sure his presence ain’t compulsory everywhere. Read on the wonderful article. 

It is said that God cannot be everywhere to help everyone and that is why he sent mothers to earth. How true is this adage even today! From Bollywood’s legendary exchange between Shashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bachchan, where Shashi Kapoor says, “Mere pass maa hai!” to TV soaps and media glorifying women as a mother, we have seen it all. But can mother, that caring, gentle human being, be restricted to these praises alone. Not at all! A mother is beyond words, beyond worlds.

From seeing us take those tiny, baby steps to beating the floor if we slip and fall down and are on the verge of crying, from sacrificing her food and eating what is left after the whole family has consumed its food, from rejoicing at our success to crying when we were in pain, from telling proudly to others as to how/her son/daughter won an event to putting herself on the line when her kid is in danger, a mother has been our constant companion in joy and sorrow, triumph and defeat, delight and despair, success and failure and pleasure and pain.

Often when I am dejected or when I have met with some failure, it has been my mother who has reminded me that this failure is just a learning curve and I am too talented for success to be elusive for too long. Often this is what is needed for me to become cheerful again and work harder next time. A mother understands her child’s hunger, she understands her children’s aspirations. She along with her children builds castles with them, a castle of dreams, of hope, of betterment.

How many roles does a mother play? If there is any CEO who could play as many roles as a mother had to, then he/she would have been extinct by now. A mother is a companion to her kids, a devoted wife to her husband, a mentor and a coach to her kids when they learn, a relationship counselor to her kids when they grapple with teenage issues. The list is endless.

On the occasion of Mother’s week, let us all take a moment to reflect on this wonderful human being, a walking God amidst us in our family, the unselfish supporter in everyone’s life. Let us prostrate before this light of divinity and may we all pray to the Almighty to give this amazing creation a long, healthy and happy life. Happy Mothers Week !

Mom and kid