Tag Archives: International Cricket Council

11 Rules For Women During Cricket

Robin Choudhary lists down the rules that women should apply on themselves during cricket matches. This is for the benefit for the entire human race because we know no sex can survive without the other.

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LIST OF RULES!!
1. You should read the sport pages so you are aware of what’s going on in the world of cricket and can join the conversation with the men in your life. If you fail to do so, you will be looked at in a bad way or be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. The television is not shared during cricket matches and the remote will strictly be in the hand of the men folk at all times without any exceptions.

3. Crawl, sit and walk, do anything but do not pass in front of the TV while the LIVE game is on. Do not distract should be your bible. During all this time please wear full clothes because just in case if you catch cold by wearing short clothes to attract, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor, or look after you during the World Cup month.

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4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute – unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….It won’t happen.

5. Please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV in non match times.

6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game” or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about cricket than me and your so-called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break-up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game; hence do not use the entire tournament as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

8. Most importantly, making love is out of the question during the entire month. It has to be a ‘quickie’ and that has to be during half time as well.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the tournament is over”. I am immune to these words, because cricket is an ever-lasting affair and after one comes another tournament.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,

The Menfolk

Zero Tolerance and Zero Credibility

The spot-fixing arrests of Sreesanth, Chandila and Chavan goes to prove that the BCCI’s ‘zero tolerance’ policy is a joke, when combined zero information and zero transparency, says Jaideep Ghosh

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BCCI boss N. Srinivasan, in a pretty hastily-organised press briefing, reiterated what we already know, while it also threw up a few more enlightening points.

Let’s start with the two statements of novelty. The first jewel is that the Indian Premier League is not corrupt, cricket is. Thank you sir, for making that distinction. We were seriously beginning to presume that IPL indeed WAS cricket. Now we know better.

The second is the expression of shock that an international player had been arrested. So the BCCI was a little happier that those hauled up before were people of lesser denomination? That is bigotry.

The rest was business as usual – beginning with ‘shock’ at the ineffectiveness of the BCCI’s Anti-Corruption Unit.

But what is new there? BCCI or the International Cricket Council (ICC) anti-corruption units have been ineffective at the best of times, especially since the ‘zero tolerance’ is never initiated unless some police force – be it in India or England – throws up yet another fixing scandal.

We hope that they are just incompetent and not actually sweeping such incidents under the carpet. That would indeed be a crime, much bigger than the one the three players have been charged with. Or others, over the years.

But one thing we agree with. Srinivasan says Indian players are paid enough. In fact, it would suffice to say they are paid obscene amounts by cricket and IPL (the distinction having been decisively established).

So how much money then, is too much? Evidently, there isn’t a limit. If the three are indeed guilty, one needs to see what their pay packages were in the IPL, or in international and/or first-class cricket.

But lure of money isn’t really the problem here. The problem is that the game’s governing bodies have been criminally lax when it comes to enforcing any sort of discipline in this area, a fact enhanced by the fact that the arms invested with power to take action are largely useless.

Over many assignments all over, yours truly has often seen this ACU official checking-in into five-star hotels with a very sleuth bearing and a mysterious smile. Then he vanishes from the scene, with equal mystery. But I guess detectives can be expected to be undercover.

But not at the cost of doing anything. Srinivasan is disappointed with the ACU. So are we. But we are equally disappointed with the BCCI and ICC for allowing the ACU, players, fixers and bookies a free run, interrupted by occasional feeble attempts at righteousness and order.

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Bemoaning The ‘Destruction’ of Cricket

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BCCI President N. Srinivasan is the most destructive man in cricket, says an angry Australia daily. Amazing how threat perceptions are tempered when it comes to making big bucks in the IPL, or otherwise in Indian cricket, observes Jaideep Ghosh.

Cricket is a dangerous and destructive sport. Has always been, but with the development of insanely huge bats and immensely aggressive batsmen, it’s become quite a risky affair to play, or even watch the game, as some spectators in the Indian Premier League have experienced over the last couple of editions, especially the last two.

Equally, India is a risky place. The traffic is insane, the law and order leaves a lot to be desired and the corruption levels, according to the said newspaper, are somewhere in the high 90s (almost as good as Bradman’s average).

Funny though, how none of this stops Australian players, coaches, physios, therapists, psychologists, umpires, commentators, cheerleaders and assorted guests in various team jerseys from thronging the country, savouring its diverse culture, food, rapidly deteriorating weather and most of all, the greenbacks pouring into their accounts.

Oh by the way, how many of these people have work permits?

All that is fine, till such time as when the Australians are challenged at the international level – namely the international players union, FICA.

As all would know by now, Laxman Sivaramakrishnan beat former Australia off-spinner Tim May as chief executive of FICA over three bouts of voting – the scores progressively ranging from 1-9, 5-5 and finally 6-4 – in favour of the former Indian leggie.

The Australian media reacted like they always do. Badly. They just can’t handle going down to these Indians, be it on the field (where there was precious little left to say) or off it.

Sure, the election process wasn’t sacrosanct, but do excuse me, which thing in the sport is? The International Cricket Council (ICC) has had situations where two matches under its umbrella have been played in two venues – one with DRS, one without.

Chucking has been legalized with some gibberish about 15 degrees of flex (??). Fixers aren’t ever caught by the Anti-Corruption Unit but invariably by the police of the said nation where the fixing was enacted.

So to expect FICA, which is essentially another arm of the hydra that is cricket, to have absolutely free and fair elections, is a little optimistic. This is cricket, after all.

The Daily Telegraph had little material to fall back on, so barring the angst surrounding the use of muscle by BCCI, its article essentially has what all Srinivasan is being investigated for; how badly India does on the transparent international corruption index (94 to Australia’s 7), etc., are thrown up.  It is essentially not a swing at Srinivasan and BCCI, but India as a whole.

As for the CBI investigations, I am sure even the Daily Telegraph knows that a person is presumed innocent unless proven guilty. A transparency index rating of 7 should surely ensure that?

Or maybe only in Australia.

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