Tag Archives: Full Members

Rebuttal To 11 Rules For Women During Cricket

female rebut

By Shwetha Kalyanasundaram

Dear Menfolk,

It is becoming increasingly ostensible that you seem to be laboring under the delusion that you are entitled to special manly treatment. We allow you to think you’re the boss because it suits us, but the consequences of your behavior, especially during cricket matches do need to be addressed.

So here’s getting certain things straight…

1. Cricket for women isn’t unfathomable, ubiquitous, and completely pointless, which may be the case for a man trying to knit!

Conversation with women is like a sporting competition, you either win or lose, not both. Mind you, we never make it easy for you all. Looks like you realize how tough it is to talk to us and use cricket as an excuse to save yourselves from the shame that may befall on you.

2. A remote in your hand all the time? Maybe it is like a security blanket or something to do with being “in control”, that’s probably the only time you are in control fella!

3. “Do not get distracted” should be your bible! We would dress and do as we please. If the game interests you more, keep your eyes glued onto the idiot box only!

4. Neglect us at your own peril. Pretending you are blind, deaf and mute during a game is not considered acceptable behavior and will result in a stream of unrelated-to-cricket conversation that will require your due participation.

5. Don’t blame us for making faces at your bunch of friends. Their faces must remind us of several comic characters that we can’t help a laugh escape our throat. For your sake, we stifle it! Let me just remind you that your friends come over to watch a game because their own partners/wives/significant others must have put their foot down about watching it at their house. And you thought ‘twas your company that they enjoy…sigh!

6. Please, if we see you are distressed because your team is losing and we say “get over it, it’s only a game” or “they might win next time” that is because it IS only a game and can in no way be considered as important as going to see a new movie. Besides, at least we are showing interest.

7. If we decide that watching a game with you can be construed as “couple bonding time”, you will accept this with gratitude. This is the price you are obliged to pay for our showing what supportive partners we can be by showing such gracious tolerance of the things that interest you.

8. Match replays are always there for you to catch up with the “lost” game!

9. You think we’d be happy having you around all the time?!? Spare us; we definitely want our “me” time – time away from your constant bickering!

10. Same as above! We’ll be glad to have you out of our way!

11. We don’t mind having cricket tournaments all through the year. Saves us the trouble of heaving you to the malls to indulge in one of our favorite pastime.  Worried we’ll be alone?!? Naah…we are taking along (y) our li’l plastic friend – CREDIT CARD!!!

George Bernard Shaw referred to cricket as a game played by 22 flannelled fools and watched by 22,000 bigger fools. Looks like we know who the bigger fools are (chuckle). Your loss (that is, money) is our gain (read goodies)!!!

Ciao couch potatoes!!!

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The 4:00am Dream – Part II

Ankush Kumar in the second part of his article on Sachin Tendulkar talks how hollow Indian cricket fans become when they criticise the only man who continues to be in the side even when the other 14 have changed on multiple occasions in the last two decades. 

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Sachin Tendulkar is on fire’! He has stroked a master class century. Oh! Now surely India will lose the match. Tendulkar and centuries is jinxed. Knock! Knock! (Critics) have you ever held a bat in your hand, and more than 40 million fans hooting for you in the ground? Have you ever imagined that red/white leather ball hurling towards you at a speed on knots? I am sure the answer is a BIG NO!

You actually haven’t managed to even become the ‘TENDULKAR’ (how ironical Na) in your gully cricket team. Before you jump to illogical analysis, please verify facts, and in your defence stop comparing him to other match winners. Because (critics) there was a time for a good period of eleven years, where the ‘MASTER’ was a one man army.

The other day I met a journalist. He had a very profound (according to him) theory on the ‘master’. He said ‘someone who does just one thing for twenty two years’ is supposed to perfect the art. Sachin Tendulkar is just an average cricketer’. I checked the background of the journalist, he came from a defence background, and it established the theory ‘that these people have their brains in their knees’.

This post is being written at a time when ‘Indian cricket yet again is going through a crisis’. The critics have also raised eyebrows on the man saying ‘he is prolonging his retirement because of his endorsement contracts’. Really! Do you people have absolutely no work?

When our generation started watching cricket, one advertisement was very popular, that of Sunil Gavaskar donning suits for a brand called DINESH. The cricketer was well past his playing days, endorsements were not as big as it is today; still the man was a face on national television. You really think that the ‘master’ will not be a face to reckon with post his playing days?

Critics have argued, the man plays only for records. OH GOD! I feel like taking a chopper and you know what follows! (Hope you do). In a country where the population exceeds a billion, only fifteen chosen ones play for the ‘INDIAN CRICKET TEAM’. Out of that, fourteen faces have changed in the last two decades, but one face remains constant and that is of the ‘Master Blaster’. Someone who has stayed in the game for so long and played with the highest pedigree all records are meant to be his. Isn’t it?

Critics, when was the last time you were the cynosure of all eyes? Perhaps on your birthday but even that lasts only for twenty four hours. Or maybe your marriage, but even that lasts till your better half arrives on the scene. But this man has been India’s favourite ‘Son’ for twenty two years. Even today as the man nears his end, he boasts of a fan following cut across all generations.

Hence next time you raise your stupid arguments on the man remember your work is to ‘throw stones on the man, and his duty is to convert them into milestones’.

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