Tag Archives: Family

The Breadwinner’s Throne

By Joybrato Dutta

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It takes time for a man to build a foundation for himself. Especially, if the man isn’t born with a silver spoon, purkho ki jaydad, or a gigantic haveli. He battles against odds, overcomes each hurdle and inch by inch nears his destination. Every impediment makes him stronger, every failure makes him wiser and every betrayal makes him a believer. He becomes what life teaches him.

Then a day comes when he gets married, starts a family and starts teaching what he has learnt. By the age of 60 he commands every move; he makes every decision and protects the family from every misfortune. His family obeys him, respects him and loves him more than the God they believe in.

And then he retires. By then he has fulfilled most of his responsibilities. His daughter is married. His son is well settled. He has bought a house and a couple of cars. His wife has a small business. He is a satisfied man.

But is he willing to accept a change? No. Is he willing to accept a shift of power? Is he willing to accept a change of rules? A man who has ruled for 40 years has a big ego, at times bigger than the love for his son.

His son, by then earns a lot, can run the family and has ideals of his own. His ideals differ from his dad. Generation Gap. The son’s battles were different, hence his lessons were different. He is more aware of the problems and has a better solution. The breadwinner has an experience more than the son’s age but now that the battleground has changed completely will that experience count? Will he let his 25 year old son teach him how to live? It’s not fair.

Problem is, in modern times life has become more frenetic. People have stopped believing in second chances. Thanks to too many options people have become less attached to a particular thing. People move on easily. Whereas in older times people cared for what they loved. People respected their own efforts. The self-made bread winner still has the cycle he bought from his first salary. Whereas his son has sold the bike he was gifted.

The breadwinner is not used to these frenetic times. His approach still isn’t as materialistic. But, a king will never stop sharing his opinions. He tries to participate in the modern lifestyle war but is disappointed each time his solutions are disregarded.

But that’s how things have to be. His son is more aware of situations. His son knows the modern world. But there are situations that are best solved the old school way. These situations give him the confidence that he can still win. Each time his son seeks advice from him, his chest fills with pride. Each time he solves his son’s problems he believes that even in the changing world certain rules will always linger. That is when he understands that to win any war experience and knowledge both are required. He has the experience. His son has the modern knowledge. Together they can run a family perfectly.

In that way it’s not really a shift of power, it’s simply sharing it.

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Father…Thy Name is Pillar

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Gurulakshmi Iyer-Hait writes about the two fathers he sees in her life. One her own and the other her husband and the father of her kid. Another great read this Father’s week. 

A father is neither an anchor to hold us back,

Nor a sail to take us there,

But a guiding light whose love shows us the way.

–       Anonymous

I see my husband excited when I teach my son to wish him on the Father’s Day. An excitement and shine in his eyes that has been elusive before. I can see his feelings of pride of being a DAD!! An evolutionary offshoot and the line that distinguishes him from manhood to fatherhood!!

After I had a kid, I often compared my husband with my dad. Both of them are so different from each other yet so similar. Though I was never very close to my dad and we kind of disagreed on each and every issue, I remember my dad had always counted on my decisions for him. I was always street smart for him and he never vouched my words. As a very protective dad, we were bound by many restrictions.

On the other hand my husband as a dad is very carefree when it comes to adventuring or experimenting. He has always encouraged my kid to do whatever he wants. This big ounce of a personality defines everything.

We sisters were never scared of dad’s scolding and it was real fun to fool him too. I had so many friends who were so scared of their dads and listening such telltales really surprised me. The same is the situation with my kid. He loves fooling around and pranking on his dad.

For those who felt fathers are emotional, I have two emotional dads in my house. One is my dad and the other my husband, both of them extra emotional when it comes to their kids.

However over the years I grew up, I always felt that if a family has a pillar of support that has to be dad. Our father was always a great strength to both of us. And I am very sure that my kid will also bank on his dad while he grows up for his support, financially or otherwise.

While I see two opposite fathers in my house, opposite in personalities, opposite in approach yet the love and care that they shower upon their kids is the same.

No matter Dads are always special!!

You Have Been A Friend, Philosopher & Guide, Thanks Dad

father day

It takes a toll to manage a son like me and he has done it with perfection. It always helps if your daddy becomes your best buddy and he certainly turned one. Here’s for him with the caveat that not just one day but even 365 in a year is less to celebrate a papa like him. You certainly are the best. 

I was one of those troubled boy kid who was more scared of her mom than anything on the planet. My mom is one stickler for perfection and let me be frank, I was not even close to one. I would say I am still a work-in-progress but in those days I was worse. It was my dad then who would spring out of nowhere to save me from my mom’s wrath when I would not do my homework, not be up-to-date with my class write-ups or do anything wrong. If he could not manage saving me because sometimes it could get tough he would wear his slippers and move out of home because he for one could not see me cry. That is my earliest memory of my dad’s saving me qualities.

Things went ahead and I grew up only to become more naughty outside home. Hitting the ball out of the park and breaking glasses became a habit and so did people turning up to my home asking for a blanket ban on me playing cricket anywhere near their houses. He would though pay up all the time saying “he would play, what he breaks you can repair, take money but he would play”.

I don’t remember ever asking my mom for extra money because I knew she would decline thinking I would misuse. My father always tended the currency to me irrespective of the purpose. I remember asking him for Rs. 5000 during my last week of MBA because I was dating the most beautiful girl I had ever seen (this was what I had said to him) and he sent Rs 10000.

Things came to such an extent that I started discussing things which ideally no boy my age used to discuss with their fathers. My friends and I would go for a smoking joint (I still do not smoke or drink) and my father would know where I am. This was trouble for everyone else because my father would also know who smokes and drinks and who does not.

He never curbed my natural instincts, not even when I said I want to go out of home to prove myself. I am a single son and I know how important it is for him to see me. Till then it was like a routine for him to see me daily and suddenly I dropped a bomb. He though as usual allowed me the experiment and here I am struggling to make a mark even after 5-years of being away from him. He probably knew this and also the fact that someday I would be back with him, to share food from his plate and to take a bite of snack from his hand.

It was not that we never disagreed. The greedy person that I am, we never agreed with his way of business, where ethics and morality always stood ahead than any amount of money. His peers went way ahead of him in terms of money and social respect (which these days is proportionate to the size of the wallet) and he kept talking of good and bad karma. It was only when these great man as I always thought of them because of their come-what-may make money attitude fell, and took with them their entire families, did I realise what my father always meant when he quoted Warren Buffet vis-a-vis my example of Mr. Dhirubhai Ambani.

Today as I am on the verge of turning on the wrong side of the 20’s I sometimes feel could I be a tenth as good as he is? Naah, I don’t think so. I am just not confident I could because the two biggest qualities of his, sacrifice and patience, are things I lack totally.

I could write a book on our relationship but would rather sum it up with this beautiful poem from Louisa Mansfield

DAD,
When i was born,
You were there to catch me when i fall, whenever and wherever.
When i said my first words,
You were there for me,
to teach me the whole dictionary if need be.
When i took my first steps,
You were there to encourage me on.
When i had my first day at school,
you were there to give me advice and help me with my homework.
I still havent finished school,
or walked down the aisle, or had my first child.
But i know you will be there for me through all these times and more, the good and bad.
So i just wrote this to say ‘I LOVE YOU DAD!!!’

Thank You Dad! For Everything

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Anshuman Sharvesh continues Father’s Day celebrations by thanking his dad for everything he has done for him. He rewinds his life a bit to figure out three occasions when his father made a heroic dash for him. 

Person: Beta, whom do you love the most, mom or dad?

Child: Mom (without any hesitation)

Person: and why?

Child: Bcoz she love me the most, dad is strict.

It reminded me of myself and my childhood days as all the answers he gave were just replica of mine or can say of every guy his age. But if someone fires this question in a slightly different manner, like who has sacrificed the most for you, I will say my dad, with all due respect to mama.

The strictness, disciplined life and even the slaps that I used to receive have made me a better person. Today, when we here at Mission Sharing Knowledge, celebrate the entire week as Father’s Week its a pleasure to share a few short stories/incidences that have taught me lessons of life.

Police at my house:

It was a bright sunny day and as all children my age do, I was playing cricket after the school hours. Because of a mishap, I got involved in a brawl and another guy, older than me slapped me, just like the Harbhajan-Sreesanth incident. Unlike Sreesanth though, I retaliated, picked up a stone and threw it on him. He was left bleeding with blood oozing out of his mouth. He reported that to his father who in-turn came to my house with the police. Seeing the mob dad asked me to narrate the whole story which I did. He politely asked me to join my mom in the room and handled the situation all by himself. I still remember the loud slap that evening but I also remember the fact that after the slap I have never used violence to feed my anger.

The day I failed in my 10th Pre-Board Examination:

The result day, a dreadful one and more frightful if you have failed in two of the papers. I got my result and went straight back home. I told my mom everything and although she was furious but seeing me disappointed, she consoled me. Then the real thing began as we waited for Dad to return because it was his signatures that was needed for the result sheet to be handed over back. He came in late that day and after having dinner I gathered all my courage and gave him the mark sheet. After having a detailed analysis he said one thing that was quite touching and inspirational and that was ”beta bus 70 aur lana hai 3 mahine hai, hojayega” .

My break up:

Yeah I know what you guys must have been thinking. What a guy I am? But these things were in my closet for a while now and telling you all this is only making me more comfortable about my past.

As the girl in my life bid me goodbye, I was left devastated. It was the end of the world, 2012 (which came and passed without a shock had actually happened for me way before the calendars touched the date). Like SRK of Kal Ho Na Ho, I cornered myself away from everyone. Dad came to me and said a single thing to me and that was “aaisa hota hai,normal baat hai sabke sath hota hai….bete now you are a grown up boy”. No really, I know this was unusual but this is what verbatim happened.

That hard slap, the unusual encouragement and the weirdest consolation that you have ever heard helped me to be a better man.

I thank you dad for everything….love u the most and if given a chance will change things you did not like of me…I love my dad the most!!!!!

FATHER – Every Child’s First Superhero

Superhero Father and Son

We kickstart our one week Father’s Day carnival by saluting every child’s first superhero in try Ganesh Subramanian style. 

For every child, his or her dad

Is a unique miracle which no one else have had

Seeing the child happy made him smile

He loved the baby face devoid of any guile

He always hid his sorrow

But never lost sight of his child’s tomorrow

He played elephant to his naughty kid

Even though his back ached which he deliberately hid

He never let his child feel deprived

And made sure that the lil’ one’s dreams never died

Easy money was a rarity in his days

But for his kid he saved more than what his job pays

He may age and may become weak

Our support and help he may not seek

Still he’s our most treasured icon of sacrifice

Which we should remind ourselves when we eat every morsel of rice

Dear lovable father

Like you, there is no another

We salute you, our role model

Without you, our lives would be difficult to foretell

fathers day

What the Luck!!!

A light-hearted story by Joybrato Dutta

She called off our engagement. She simply hung up, denying me a chance to apologise. Seven years of friendship, five years of love, ended with a mere phone call. What a parallel cinema way to end a candy floss love story!

swearing1Year 2012 could have been the best year of my life. It was going perfect. I had met her parents in February. They loved me. My family loved her. All that was left, was to finalise a date, which could only be decided by their most trusted astrologer. A sixty year old scum bag whose wife and son had disowned him, after which he swore to ruin every other life. The moment he saw me he spoke in a manner that could make politicians sound poetic. Apparently, our horoscopes didn’t match. Apparently I would have divorced her in a year. All of a sudden his fake philosophies started dominating my real emotions. The worst part, her father’s expressions clearly stated that he was about to reject me. Patience was a virtue I never possessed and in a fit of rage I asked him to fuck off. Using the exact words.

Uttering cuss words in front of a rural Brahmin family wasn’t a great idea. Her astrologer found new points to defend his accusations against me. She fought hard. From my educational qualifications to my salary, from my family history to my career prospects, she quoted everything that could have convinced even the harshest people. Alas! People blinded by superstitions can never see the real picture. They in turn tried to convince her to stay away from me. And on a warm afternoon of March 2012 she succumbed.

That was the day I made a New Year resolution to never utter blasphemous words. One might say that March is a bit too late for a resolution, but for me, that day marked the beginning of a new year. Or should I say a new life!

The following nine months posed the toughest challenge of my life. Simply because I couldn’t even slander her family or that scum bag to feel better.

cuss_balloonSo, here I am on the last day of 2012, attending a dear friend’s wedding. She was invited too. That was the only reason I had decided to step out of my cocoon. But she didn’t come. Probably to avoid me. This infuriated me. I had sacrificed an integral part of my vocabulary for her family and they won’t even give me a second chance. Just then a friend of mine walked up to me to console me. Sympathy was something I hated more than the astrologer. The nine month long drought was about to end. I looked at her and said, “I don’t need your fucking advice. She, her family and that fucking astrologer can rot in hell”.

Wow! That felt nice. Oh dear slang, I missed you! With a lighter heart I turned to leave. And there they were, my ex fiancée standing with her parents, flabbergasted at my outburst.  I smiled as the tears of sorrow rolled down. And all I could say was, “What the”.

For There Is No Friend Like A Sister…

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Gurulakshmi Iyer-Hait talks of her childhood and says why she feels this saying by Ami Li is absolutely true: Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of.  You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there. This one’s for her sister she says :). 

“For there is no friend like a sister

In calm or stormy weather;

To cheer one on the tedious way,

To fetch one if one goes astray,

To lift one if one totters down,

To strengthen whilst one stands.”

-Christina Rossetti

The sight of siblings playing really caught my attention. To be precise, the sight of two sisters playing.

Like us. Elder protective and younger following the elder.

As always such sights make me go through my memory lane. This time, that of my younger sister I have often heard from my mom that I hated her when she was born(though I do not recollect any of that sort). But over the years I grew up with her, I have surely realized one thing, not everyone are lucky enough to have sisters. And all those who have, aren’t really close like us.

Our childhood experiences really bring smiles on my face. Opposites that we were,it was really difficult for others to identify both of us as siblings. I the prankster and she the obedient. We were a team throughout our childhood and I certainly did everything that bugged and irritated her.

She would iron the clothes for her,I would wear her ironed clothes. I would mess up the house and she would clean, offcourse making faces. As a kid,I never thought of spending time with her. Quite obvious that we shared almost everything and stayed under one roof. But as we grew up and started following our aspirations, our relationship grew too. It was then we felt that the warmth of togetherness is priceless!

She has always worshipped me. My words and actions have always been final verdict to her, right from early age. And should I not mention the same holds true even today despite staying thousands of miles away from each other.

I have many times imagined being a single child to my parents. It would have been nice to bask in my parents’ undivided attention but the imagination has always ended palely .While there is sharing, there are pillow fights, laughters, gossips and chatters too.

There never was any friend like a sister. While siblinghood is by chance, the love and warmth that this relationship brings in is definitely by choice. And I am blessed to have one such creature in my life!

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