By Atul Singh
- Drops of Solace (penpaperandwords.wordpress.com)
By Atul Singh
Our anonymous author tell us why Misogamists are wrong when they blame the institution of marriage without event looking into the reasons of why is it failing. A must read.
This post put me in an inebriated frame of morbidity; first because, I am currently reading the suitable boy, and second, partly due to the whole concept of marriage as an institution that we have built. For me the reason, why marriage is an institution is because, it has stood the Test of time. Another reason why it’s an institution is because, any institution which embeds itself in humour and self-loathing, yet continues to survive is an institution.
The misogamists in our society, like a fellow author pointed about, draws on a crux, which has been prevailing in society since time-immemorial. For instance, when Anuj pointed out the significant increase in wants and comfort, and money after the marriage, little did one think that the origin of marriage was based on the concept of economics. A societal structure was created to preserve wealth, pass on wealth to generations and showcase the survival of fitness.
Why then are the misogamists complaining? If you look at the construct of marriage, it has evolved, through expected rig morale of expectations. Today it is even more visible. Take any matrimonial website, if the girl is fair, she wants a richer, smarter, better, astute looking husband. Try this, use the same photograph, same qualifications, and same job; however increase the salary by 40,000 a month and a significant increase in expectations arise. Why won’t immaturity between couples arise and conflict take its place. The system didn’t become this way, the system was designed this way. Another way to date an Indian girl is contact your astrologer and connect with your girls’ astrologer. If they are commensurate, the date happens.
I don’t want to be a marriage counsellor, but I think, no amount of medicine can help an ailing society. If the crux of marriages has to saved, it has to begin from the beginning, the same way; Vishnu did come up with avatar after an avatar to save the society, though Lord Shiva preferred destruction.
For the whole institution of marriages, we need to break the system and bring a new one. I can’t speculate, how the new system would want to be, but to emerge an institution based on a legal contract is baffling, I’d save grace to Anuj when he mentioned the reasons marriages can be viewed in a positive way. These could answer the question of, why should marriage, be a legal contract. Arranged marriages technically are statutory rates, taking the stated down measure of the first night.
One solution (which may not be practical, but a judgement call for self-illusory tendencies) is to strip down the very essence why marriages don’t work and look beyond to see, if a sub structure can sustain itself in a metaphysical verse. For instance, strip the education, caste, creed, religion, gotra, colour, race, education, employment, size, height, weight, region, city, country, expectations. You will get nothing, the nothing, which is the silence in the storm, precedes love and unconditional love can yet, save this entire institution of marriage.
The gang rape of the five-year-old has sprouted claims that migrant labour has affected Delhi’s crime graph adversely. Delhi doesn’t need imports to commit crime, contends Jaideep Ghosh
A big fight was threatening to snowball over Facebook. Normally, nothing enthuses me more than a big fight, but the topic in question pre-empts all funny digs. So we will stick to the serious stuff.
The background is the gang rape case involving the five-year-old girl and the stand taken by a certain set is something which has been simmering for a while. At the same time, this cannot be allowed to snowball.
The stand was – this rape, and many other similar crimes, should be blamed on the huge influx of migrant workers, specifically from one state (no prizes for guessing which).
Now, this resentment of Delhi becoming the hub for immigrants from all parts isn’t new. It isn’t ‘cool’ or ‘liberal’ to discuss in public, but the undercurrents are immense. Some have objected in the social media, while most curse when a motley crew calmly walks in front of their cars, an imperious had raised to demand the near-impossible task of stopping a speeding car within ten feet.
The increase is resentment is now leading to crimes being committed by ‘them’, and how ‘they’ should not be allowed into Delhi, since ‘they’ are sullying the name of Delhi.
Naturally, there was resentment, and a torrent of objections and arguments followed, with one side demanding to know why ‘them’ alone are to be blamed, while the original lot stuck to their smoking guns.
This is risky business. This impinges on the rights provided to the citizens of India by the Constitution (and since we as a population knows only our Fundamental Rights and not our Duties, it becomes even more important), to reside in any part of the country, look for employment anywhere. These are sacrosanct, across the country barring a few regions. And Thackeray’s Mumbai.
Crime is the genesis of development. The Industrial Revolution in Europe was where crime and vice spawned and grabbed hold of society, as people from all part thronged to the hovels that cropped up in the cities – their dolce vita being grime and crime.
At the same time, Delhi didn’t need imports to be crime capital. The people who pull out guns and shoot when their cars are scratched, the ones who pile on to women in bars and pubs and those who drive over people, or through police barricades in their BMWs and assorted SUVs, aren’t migrants. Nor are those who burn brides. They are the ones who bring these migrants to Delhi, to build their skyscrapers, tend to their kids and labour in their houses while they party, kitty or otherwise.
In fact, I will wager my pension that if people from three specific states were either evicted, or debarred from Delhi, the crime graph would come down by 80 per cent.
Crime comes with prosperity. The rapists of the five-year-old are doing exactly what the rest of the city, and mankind in general does – exploit the weak.
But crimes also comes through ‘students’ from abroad peddling drugs and ‘hostesses’ from the former Soviet republics adding colour to the flesh trade, again with the ‘locals’ being their partners or customers.
So to label one state for the state of affairs is naive and uneducated. Address crime and prevention. Since suggesting otherwise, adds to our ever-burgeoning list of woes.
Mili Sharma talks of how it’s more important to bring up a baby boy with values than just priding yourself in bearing one. A very important viewpoint, must read for all mothers.
“Wow…it’s time to celebrate!! A baby boy is born in my family!! He’s the one who’s going to continue my name…our family’s name!! I’m so lucky that I gave birth to a baby boy!! Had I not been able to do that, I couldn’t have had a chance to climb the golden ladder to heaven after death!!”
Isn’t what is said above actual thought inside a female while giving birth? Sad, things still continue to be this way. This is exactly how an average Indian woman thinks when she gives birth to a baby boy. And then the upbringing process starts “Oh!! I have to make him realize that he’s a male and he’s superior…he has the authority to rule his sisters, girlfriend and wife. I have to give him the best education. Oh, since I’m not well off, let me send his sister(s) to a local government school and let my son get the best education in town! After all, he has to take care of us when we get old. Never mind if he’s not able to score in exams, I can afford donations by selling a gold chain or bribing. Let me ignore my daughters as they have to leave the family one day.”
Now let’s see what the guy turns out to be because of this extra attention from his mom. He starts thinking that he’s born to rule his sisters and that he’s superior to them as he’s getting everything better than them. He’s never reprimanded for doing anything wrong like coming home late, scoring low in exams, arguing with his sisters or question them, bunking school etc. The mom feels that he’s a child…their sole heir…how could she even think of scolding, leave alone, thrashing him.
Slowly and gradually he starts thinking that he’s the supreme power of the family and exhibits these traits wherever he goes. He starts questioning his mom and dad too and then his girlfriend and/or wife. Gradually, he loses respect for females and oldies as he’s now sure that he’s superior to them. He starts considering himself as the decision maker and the supreme power after God.
Even if he’s younger to his sisters’, he starts interfering in their lives. Trust me; these are the guys who feel women are nothing more than footwear. These are the guys who bash their wives at home and rape women outside. All the credit goes to their moms and families as they have not been able to instill some basic mannerisms, such as respecting their own sisters.
Had their moms been strict enough and never meted out special treatment to their sons, these guys would have surely turned out to be gentlemen.
Love u Mom for treating your son like your daughters and teaching him the core values of a human being rather than the values of being a male in the Indian society. Mom, just because of you I have the best brother in the world. Thanks to you and love you bro!
My advice to women – Be a son’s mom only if you have the capability of bringing him up to be a human being in the least; else get an abortion! We’ve already got so many of them to deal with.
तेरा गुनाहगार अभी जिन्दा है !
मत रो लाडो तेरा दोष नहीं,
रहा लोगों को अब होश नहीं !
तू क्यों निकली थी घर से कल,
यहाँ ताक में हैं वहशी हर-पल !
हर तरफ दरिन्दों घूम रहे,
तेरे जैसी गुड़िया ढूंढ रहे !
तेरी पीड़ा से मै पीड़ित हूँ ,
बेटी का बाप हूँ चिंतित हूँ !
है माली और बाप की एक सोच ,
कहीं कली को ना ले कोई नोच !
मैंने बेटी को है बोल दिया,
उसके मन में विष घोल दिया !
नज़रें परखो और कुछ भी नहीं,
वरना तेरी भी हालत है वही…!
Ankush Kumar in his inimitable humorous style writes on a broken heart and what all one does to sew it up, only to fail. Another must read.
I am heartbroken. Oh! Really, then why don’t you have a bar of chocolate, it really calms you. The only thing that a full bar of cocoa does is it increases your weight (if you don’t work out that is), it increases the nonsensical ‘dishum dishum’ advertisements on television and fills the coffers of toothpaste making companies.
If the chocolate experiment fails, one thing that keeps the pain going is random updates on social networking sites. The only hitch is that most updates by heartbroken people are ‘Google sponsored’ and remotely original. What is worse are the likes and comments!
As usual when that fails to mend a broken heart, the grief stuck lover goes back to reading old text messages and literature. Wonder how does that even help? It actually adds only insult to injury! If ‘love is supposed to be blind’ heartbreaks makes one DUMB too!
The ‘DUMB’ heartbroken lover then decides to have fun. Goes out drinking, partying swaying to new found people around him/her, and the old ones have an expression of bewilderment and try giving this person as much company as they can. The end result though is totally different. ‘There is high content of alcohol in the body; friend’s cars have proof through the vomiting’. The following morning headache proves the hangover and the heart continues to be broken.
A head that aches, a heart that is broken (still beats though) resorts to one final attempt to get over the pain, music always seems the best way to transcend into a different world and forget pain and sorrows. The first song invariably played is ‘Everything I do; I do it for you’ by Bryan Adams. Most people who know these lyrics by heart have gone through a break up. (I too come in this category)
What is actually worse is the fact that such songs are played on LOOP and over a period of time the people around the victim start wondering whether they have actually found their ‘Robin hood’.
‘The last ditch attempt by ‘Robin Hood’ possibly is slitting of wrists! Trust me it is not as easy as it seems, finding the veins to precision is tough for even Doctors, so for a layman it is next to impossible! (No wonder I didn’t die).
P.S: Facebook has a choice called ‘It is complicated’ in the relationships category. But that holds true for single as well as married people!!!!
Commercialization has taken precedence over most of our good values! Is advancement in Science inversely proportional to advancement of ‘human-ness’? Ganesh Subramanian discusses our behavioural code which has changed with our so-called ‘advancement’ in this post.
The biggest fear of advancement of mankind is that in the mad pursuit of developments and an equally insane dash for material possessions, somewhere there is a risk of losing our social values and a possible deviation from accepted behavioural norms. With crass commercialization of almost everything in humanity, good old values like respect for others, maintaining public decency, respect for elders etc., are well on their way towards a fast-tracked capital punishment.
The simplest example for illustrating this argument can be seen in the ubiquitous use of mobile phones. The problem is not in using mobiles per se, but in the way in which it’s being used in simple conversations. Often, while travelling in buses or trains, we see some strange specimens (let us say, Mr. X) shouting at the top of their voices into their mobile phones. Somewhere I feel that it won’t be a bad idea for Mr. X just to scream what he wants to say without actually making a call. The loud enough voice of M. X can be easily transmitted and heard via air without the need for 2 mobile phones and the network. This kind of behaviour demonstrated with scant regard for others in the surroundings is completely deplorable and irks others present in the vicinity. By the time the bus/train journey is over, all the passengers are sure to have a good knowledge of the entire background of Mr. X, courtesy the mindless telephonic screaming.
Another behaviour that can’t be called courteous is the failure to apologise when someone accidentally elbows others or stamps on the others’ feet accidentally in a crowd. Behaviour in restaurants, behaviour in traffic signals, behaviour while we wait in serpentine queues for some service – the list is never ending when it comes to exhibiting unacceptable behaviour. A funny incident that my friend narrated springs to my mind here. My friend and his college classmates went to a coffee shop for hanging out. One of his friends, after ordering for milkshake wanted to tell the waiter not to add ice to his beverage. As the waiter had moved away, this guy shouted at the top of his voice in his native language with a localised slang. This act attracted the eyeballs of all those who were present in the shop much to the embarrassment of the guy’s classmates. Some may feel what’s unacceptable in this. But the point, I am trying to make is that even small instances like this could have been handled subtly with a good understanding and awareness of the presence of public.
All these instances point to the fact that good social behaviour has taken a backseat in this age of commercialization. It is upto each one of us to understand that what irks us also irks others and we must ensure that even if we can’t become role models of social behaviour, atleast we do not end up being a bad example of socially acceptable behaviour.