Robin Choudhary lists down the rules that women should apply on themselves during cricket matches. This is for the benefit for the entire human race because we know no sex can survive without the other.
LIST OF RULES!!
1. You should read the sport pages so you are aware of what’s going on in the world of cricket and can join the conversation with the men in your life. If you fail to do so, you will be looked at in a bad way or be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. The television is not shared during cricket matches and the remote will strictly be in the hand of the men folk at all times without any exceptions.
3. Crawl, sit and walk, do anything but do not pass in front of the TV while the LIVE game is on. Do not distract should be your bible. During all this time please wear full clothes because just in case if you catch cold by wearing short clothes to attract, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor, or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute – unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….It won’t happen.
5. Please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV in non match times.
6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game” or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about cricket than me and your so-called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break-up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game; hence do not use the entire tournament as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
8. Most importantly, making love is out of the question during the entire month. It has to be a ‘quickie’ and that has to be during half time as well.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the tournament is over”. I am immune to these words, because cricket is an ever-lasting affair and after one comes another tournament.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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